Death Note: The Yaoi Outtakes
by Arciam
Summary: Well, Light and L have feelings for each other, as much is obvious for most of us. But why didn't they do anything about it? They tried, but failed miserably xD The yaoi outtakes of Death Note.


**Attempt One**

* * *

The first attempt at embedding a yaoi scene in Death Note was not long after episode 10. To make it as natural as possible, L and Light were simply put in a room and given a bottle of vodka.  
However, the producer had clearly overestimated their ability to hold their liquor; afterwards, it was quickly decided that the minority of foot fetishists probably wasn't enough to outweigh the majority of people who surely would find the '_How many toes can you fit in your mouth_' bet that ensued pretty disgusting.

* * *

**Attempt Two**

* * *

_In the HQ, Light and L work alongside each other, being the only ones left for the night._

Director: Aand - Action!

Light: [_facing the screens_] Ryuuzaki?

L: Yes? [_leans towards Light_]

Light: [_turns to look at L_] Has anyone ever told you...

L: [_leans further forward_]

Light: ..that- ..L, get out of my face..?

Director: Cut! L, this is supposed to be a _romantic_ scene, you can't sit there examining him as though you're counting his nose hairs!

Light: [_covers his nose with his hand and glares_] Hey! I don't have - !

* * *

Director: Action!

Light: Ryuuzaki..?

L: Yes, Light?

Light: Has anyone ever told you...

Light: [_looks at L_] ..that you look...

L: [_leans forward (not that much, mind you), anticipating_]

Light: ..half dead?

_Whole team, including L and Light, burst out laughing._

Director: Cu-ha-hat!

Light: [_turns to crew, still laughing_] But seriously..! Who the hell dug this guy up from his grave..? [_keeps laughing_]

L: [_flips Light off while also laughing himself_]

* * *

**Attempt Three**

* * *

_In their shared bedroom, L and Light are standing in front of each other._

Director: Alright, let's just skip the other scene for now and move on. Basically, this is purely fanservice. You're getting ready for bed and pretty much say  
what you want. But.. please be nice, okay..? Action!

Light: [_brushes hair out of L's eyes_] Ryuu...

L: Hmm?

Light: [_lovingly_] Your hair is messy...

L: [_after short silence_] Now that was random.

Light: [_snorts and starts laughing_]

Director: Cuut!

* * *

Director: Action!

Light: Lllll..

L: ..?

Light: ..lllllll...

L: [_starts laughing_]

Director: Cut! What the [censored] was that, Light?

Light: Well I thought it might sound more seductive this way. Drawing out the 'Llll' a bit...

Random crew member: That was _so_ fail...

* * *

Director: Action! [_mutters_] Again...

Light: L..?

L: Light-

Light: No, don't say anything... The more we talk the more likely are we to mess it all up [_a/n: quite literally_]. Just kiss me, L.

_L and Light kiss (finally..!). L brings up his right hand to stroke through Light's hair, when suddenly_

Light: [_breaks away abruptly_] Oww!

L: [_takes a shocked step back_] What is it?

Light: Ow! Ow, ow, ow, don't move, don't move! [_brings his own hands up to where L's cuff is tangled in Light's hair_]

Random crew member: I thought this kind of thing only happened with braces.

Director: Do I _really_ need to say 'cut'...?

_In the center of the room the crew is now running around the yelling Light like headless chickens, trying to disentangle the metal from his hair._

Light: Damn you, L! _Oww..!_ This is your fault!

L: Well it's not like I like it any better. I have to use the bathroom, how am I going to do that now?

Light: [_impressive imitation of the dramatic chipmunk_]

* * *

**Attempt Four:**

* * *

Skipping right to the lemon, everything started out just fine.  
Unfortunately, our director had failed to assign the roles of seme and uke, naïvely thinking that 'they could arrange that between themselves' ...  
I won't go into detail, but this particular day of shooting ended with L having a broken nose and Light's face being slightly rearranged, a bruise suspiciously resembling a footprint across it.

* * *

After all those failures, the producers decided to simply leave out the yaoi. But because they still needed something to keep the plot going, they killed L. Bastards.

End

* * *

**Author's note**: Lol wtf? xD Oh well, hope you enjoyed it (^-^) Reviews welcome, but I won't beg for them ^^


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